Finding the voice

twen @ 2009-11-02T01:12:00

2009-11-02T06:21:52Z

Things of note:

1. - Dressed up for Halloween this year. Pics are on Facebook. Outfit was rather slinky, and thanks to losing weight, I didn't feel self conscious about it.

2. - went out dancing on Friday, stayed home on Saturday.

3. - I weigh seventy pounds less than I did last Halloween.

4. - Woke up with a bastard of a headache this morning, so I went back to bed and ended up spending most of the day sleeping. I didn't even drink last night, so there's something wrong with that. I demand a refund of today. Did attend chorus practice though, and that was good.

5. - I must go into work early on Monday.

NOM

2009-10-20T16:32:03Z

Last night's dinner was composed of WIN, with two recipes created by me on the fly. If you've got a little time, (not tyme, I didn't use that last night) then I'll share them with you.

First, the pork.
I had two pork loin chops. I seasoned them lightly on both sides with garlic, ginger, salt and paprika. I then sauteed them in a medium hot pan on a bed of thinly sliced apples. I let the apples just start to carmelize, then added enough chicken stock just to cover the bottom, turned the pork, and let that cook off and carmelize again. Once more with the stock, add some chopped mushrooms, and by the time that cooks down and carmelizes, your pork should be about ready, unless they're really thick. Cover, remove from heat, and let stand for a few minutes.

The side dish was half a butternut squash I peeled and cut up into 'home fry' size cubes. I tossed them in a bowl with two tablespoons of melted butter, 1/4 cup (plus a bit more)light brown sugar, ginger, soy sauce, garlic, course salt, minced onion, a dash of pepper or red pepper flakes (JUST A BIT, barely enough to notice), a tiny splash of olive oil, and a few drops of sesame oil. Stir well to coat, then arrange in a baking pan in a single layer, and bake at 425 for about 40 minutes, turning once or twice.

The squash was AMAZING. If I'd had cilantro, I would've minced up a bit and added it just before serving, but it was great without. Together, this was a great fall dinner.

Enjoy.

what in God's name am I doing up at this hour....

2009-09-25T07:48:35Z

... I can't sleep and I'm preparing for a retreat sponsored by the chorus. It's called Butch Kamp, and it's a weekend of clinics, workshops, singing, fun, and hopefully, a bit of relaxation.
Too bad I have to go to work at 9am, work til 6, then leave directly from there.

I'm keep remembering things I need to take with me, like my life will end if I don't bring these items.

Random news - I bought new socks, with the intention of just pitching all my old ones. There's really nothing like putting on a fresh new pair of socks. I also bought new boxer briefs. They're soft and comfy, and they're a complete size less than what I was wearing previous, so they're snug and form fitting... and for once in my life, I'm liking form fitting. :)
I also inherited Marc's pair of maroon Versace jeans he bought from a thrift store one year to dress up as Micheal Stipe for Halloween. Yeah, Versace. Now to come up with a good shirt and shoes that complement them, and go out clubbing like a rock star. :)

I bought a new wireless keyboard and mouse. The keyboard is too quiet... I hardly hear myself depressing the keys, and the mouse movement was set too fast. I had to slow it down so it sync'd better with my eye movement. Also bought new earbuds for my iPod, which I'm in love with.

That's about it. See you Sunday.

twen @ 2009-09-11T14:47:00

2009-09-11T19:20:27Z

I'm still alive, just haven't had much to say here. I've had this journal since 2001. I've had a paid account for much of that time. I've penned out a third of my life on here, more or less. Posts both frivolous and profound, they all mean something to me.
I've enjoyed all the friends I've made on here, and keeping up with people's lives. I still review my friends list almost every day.
But times change. People change. We move on.

Now we have facebook, twitter, texting, and fifty other forms of social networking and keeping in touch. People move to the bigger and better. Little ol' LJ seems to have fallen by the wayside with my circle of friends.

I've always wrote for me. It was just nice to sometimes have an audience that responded. I'll still write. I have wonderful things going on in my life that I want to share, and remember.

Like the chorus.
The chorus thrills me. My chorus friends are beautiful people: professionals who share a passion for singing, performing, and enriching people's lives. Performing again has filled me with a purpose and drive. The way David conducts makes me want to be a better singer. Being on stage, being seen and enjoyed by an audience makes me want to be a better person. And I've set out to do just that. I've lost a good deal of weight the right way. I look and feel better. I carry myself with pride and a sense of purpose. I like who I'm becoming.

I like who I am.

I haven't always been able to say that.

twen @ 2009-08-27T19:12:00

2009-08-27T23:18:43Z

I have phases like this.. where I'm too busy living my life to blog about it.

Work has moved into a slightly more managable position in my life. either that or I've become more accustomed to how much it requires of me. I'm still losing weight, it just seems like I've slowed down, and it's hard to get the scale moving downward again after levelling off all summer, but I will. This weekend is rather full, with a cast party for the 80's show on Saturday, and rehearsal on Sunday. CGMC has filled quite a gap in my life. I can't say here how much it means to me.

I miss Cathryn. I hope she does well in school.

Writer's Block: It Is What It Is

2009-08-26T22:01:04Z

What oft-repeated quote or common cliché do you find the most annoying when someone says it to you?

View 540 Answers

As a matter of fact... or For the simple fact... or the fact of the matter is...

It's filler, and I hate it.

Be concise. Don't pad your sentences with the verbal equivalant of unflavoured gelatin. Just say it and be done.

I'm on Youtube!

2009-08-20T02:34:43Z

Jason just uploaded the 'Song of the King' from Joseph, back in March. I'm about 50 lbs lighter now, but it was my first solo! (even though I didn't get a microphone)... :)

Clicky!

HERE!

twen @ 2009-08-19T02:30:00

2009-08-19T06:49:47Z

So a friend of mine tried to off herself.

I know this, because I read her LJ entry the next morning.
I thought I might be too late.
I set things in motion to get her help. I called on friends who knew someone with a key.

She was taken to the hospital. Last I heard, she was stable, but hadn't regained consciousness.

I know I did the right thing.

She talked in her post about how she was a failure, how she failed at life.

The irony of the situation, and I've considered the poor taste of even bringing this up, is that she even failed at trying to end the life that she believed was a failure and a waste.

I know I did the right thing.

You can't write your own ending. That's not the way of things. You don't
get to decide when it's time to punch your ticket.
It's just not proper. Not the way you play the game.
It's like leaving the theatre in the middle of the film. Even if the film's been shitty up to then, you've paid your money, you should sit there and finish it out. You never know what's going to happen, and you never will if you leave early.

I know I did the right thing.

But what if she's succeeded? Would that have given her life meaning? Certainly not to her... she'd just be dead. I can't see how that would make a difference.

Sorry, my friend. This is yet one more failure you have to admit to. But I don't consider it in the LOSE column. Being alive, no matter how shitty your world is, is a perpetual WIN. It always trumps the alternative.

I know I did the right thing.

My head is heavy now.

twen @ 2009-08-17T15:13:00

2009-08-17T19:14:25Z

40 percent of Twitter messages 'pointless babble': study finds

In other breaking news: sky is blue, grass is green.

Writer's Block: I May Be Crazy

2009-08-06T20:41:16Z

What does this Rorschach blot look like to you?

View 540 Answers

A headshot of Wile E. Coyote, slightly angered, wearing a curious pair of spectacles at the end of his nose.

How's your day?

Move along...

2009-07-20T06:45:28Z

This is a link to my Grandmother's obituary.

It suits her. Just happened to come across it in a search.

I still miss her. I thought I'd at least have a few more years with her in my life. I was blessed to have so many in the first place, though. I shouldn't have taken them for granted.

She never knew I had a solo in the 80's show. Not that she would've cared all that much. Still, I wish she'd known. It's just these stupid things you think about at 2:30 in the morning, when you should be asleep.

She was my last Grandparent. She was also my favorite. (It's a terrible thing to say, but it's true) I loved her so much, and thought the world of her. Here it is, two months later, and I still can't quite get over that she's gone.

This summer hasn't been anything like I expected. Granma having her stroke, then passing a few weeks later. Cathryn flying up, then travelling down for the funeral. The Pride parade, then the show. Then vacation. Then the 4th of July. Now it's almost the end of summer. Cathryn goes back in a few short weeks... and I'll not be Dad anymore. It gets harder to say goodbye every year. This year more than most, I want her to stay.

She's my baby, and my best friend, all rolled into one.

twen @ 2009-07-15T12:22:00

2009-07-15T16:23:26Z

Anyone for seeing Half Blood Prince on Friday?

It would have to be late-ish. I get out of work at 8:30.

Ketchup

2009-07-14T16:11:01Z

I suppose it's been a bit since I posted.

This summer has whizzed by.

After the show, we went on vacation the following week. We drove to Cincinnati and went to the Newport Aquarium, which was a lot of fun. Then we travelled to the IKEA store and spent three hours there wandering about, checking out all the WAY COOL things, and having lunch at the cafe.
Tuesday we went to the zoo and renewed our memberships for two years, and got memberships for Greg and Meagan as well. They're wonderful friends.
Wednesday was our canoe trip down Big Darby creek. It was a nice, cool day with overcast skies. We had a great time.
Thursday I finally gave in and got ill, which ruined going to a baseball game, but it would have been standing room only anyways, so no big loss.
Friday I remained ill, which foiled plans for Red, White, and Boom. Again, not a huge loss. We ended up seeing the fireworks anyway from the highway.

Then my Hell Week at work. Working 8a to 8p Monday through Friday, and the ACM was on vacation. That was terror. but I made it through.
Saturday I recooperated, and Sunday Cathryn and I went on another canoe trip with Scott and some of his work buddies. We had a canoe to ourselves, and had a great time with some beautiful scenery. Oh, and we were constantly drenched by Scott and his PADDLE of DOOOOOM.

Now I'm here, at work, on a Tuesday. A regular work week with regular hours. Dante just gave me a metric tonne of Heroclix for Cathryn to play with. She'll be super excited tonight.

I've completed one of my goals and am now officially less than 200 lbs. (195 this morning). I've lost 55 lbs since February, and I feel great. I haven't bought new clothes yet, but it's in the works once summer is over. I'm nearly down to a 36 waist and could probably comfortably fit in a size Large Tshirt. In February, I was squeezing into a 42 waist and my shirt size was 2XL. I've come a long way. It's hard for me to remember where I was, except for when I put on pants that used to be tight and find that now if I don't wear a belt with them, they literally fall right off me. I'm still not done, though. I've got about 25 to 35 more pounds to lose before I'm finished losing, but in my mind, the hard part is done. I've conditioned myself to eating properly, and I know that I CAN lose weight, and it's not difficult to do.

So, how's your day?

Dispatch review

2009-06-27T16:00:36Z

I'm not mentioned specifically, but they do mention my portion of the program, and refers to 'many talented soloists'.

It's a fair and balanced review, and I'll take it as a win.

Read for yourself!

CGMC on the news!

2009-06-27T06:51:38Z

I was on the news!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuIO2JIZ3V8

Also, here's a teaser for the show... I'm in there about 5 times. The editor must love me. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-cNVt3dys0&NR=1

The show tonight was just awesome. My solo went over well, and the audience just amplified and energized our performance. There were mistakes, but there was SO MUCH that went right, you didn't notice.
Greg, Meagan, Marc and Cathryn loved the show. Scott and Bion seemed to enjoy it, as well. I bought them tickets because I wanted them to see it. I knew they'd have a good time.
I'm excited about the show tomorrow. The lasst show of the season. I'm not sad about it, and with tonight's performance doing so well, I'm not nervous or stressed. It's gonna be great.

Night folks!

Tribute to the King of Pop

2009-06-26T06:34:14Z

80's concert is tomorrow.

We're still going forth with the Michael Jackson medley. It seems a fitting tribute to the man who first introduced me to 'Pop.'

It still doesn't register that he's dead. I didn't even know until I got to practice.

I kid you not. I knew I wantd to sing and perform because of this man.
I would listen to Thriller over and over again. I memorized the words. I took one of my mother's good white gloves and dowsed it with glue and glitter. I'd dance around, singing with the record, trying to moonwalk. I was 8.

Now, 27 years later, I'm dancing the moonwalk in a sequined glove, and singing his songs in front of 700 people.

Dream fulfilled.

Thank you, Michael.

Eggs Awe Stead

2009-06-24T17:47:27Z

Waking up at 7 to be at work by 8. Leaving work at 5 to go home, grab a hot pocket, then practice from 6 to 11. Come home.

Rinse. Repeat.

Today we have no rehearsal. Tomorrow is run through and Friday is the show.

I'm really tired, nervous and excited.

I'm not solid on everything yet, but I'll get there.

Hopefully before Friday.

My weekend,

2009-06-22T05:57:32Z

Saturday

Went to Pride. Walked the entire parade with the CGMS float, and passed out over 1000 flyers for the performance. Had great responses from the crowd, and there was a LOT of honest to goodness support from the crowd. I felt a deep sense of purpose being there this year, with the chorus. And I could have been happier knowing that my daughte rwas there with me all the way. She rode on the float and took the job of passing water to those walking in the parade. I love my daughter so much.
We sang at the festival after the parade, then headed out in search of the shint, shiny shirt. Our first stop landed us a bright orange shirt for three bucks , and one our way to pay for it, we noticed an amazing black sequined halter top for 6 bucks. After careful deliberation, we decide d that it would work to combine the two into one amazing piece of clothing, and purchased both. A bit of running to Joann's and a side trip to DSW for Cathryn shoes later, we were finished with our shopping and back at Meagan's, working on the shirt and toga for the show.

Sunday

Surprise call from Rob in France. We talked for a good while, and had a wonderful chat, cut short by needs to be elsewhere on both parts. I will say just once that I sincerely adore having such a good friend, even if he is on the other side of the world.
Made lunch of brats and mashed potatoes for Cathryn, Marc and myself, then I buggered off for a 6 hour practice.
Stopped at Meagan's afterward, and OH MY GOD, the shirt looks fantastic. Words cannot express how much I love my friends. They made me look five times better than I really should. I'm going to need another reason to wear this shirt. Really. It's THAT awesoome.

Now, I'm about to head for bed. I have a week of working 8 to 5 ahead of me, with practices from 6 to 10. Friday and Saturday is the show.

Then I have vacation. Sweet, fun filled vacation.

I'll need it.

Time for Pie

2009-06-19T08:00:57Z

I heard you asking.

"Matthew," you asked, "What did you do last night?"

Well, let me show you.

You see, I had all these peaches...

My sous chef, Marc, peeled and sliced the whole mess.

... then I added a bit of flour, ginger, cinnamon, splenda, and lemon juice. Marc made a request to add a handful of raisins. I considered this request, and thought of no reason why peaches and raisins could not be friends, and thusly, a handful was generously added.

There it goes, into a pie pan. But what's that stuff on top there, you ask?
Why that's a bit of shredded mozzerella cheese, my friend. Strange though it may sound, bear with me. Trust in your piemaker.

I fashioned the top...

... assembled it, and crimped the edge.

Your piemaker at work.

There, now doesn't that look pretty?

Cathryn thinks so. And in the oven it goes.

After fifteen minutes, it gets a little foil hat. Then more baking until...

... It's finished!

After cooling, a tasting was had. All in attendance confirmed that the Peach Pie of 2009 was a great success! The ginger blends nicely with the peach, and the mozzerella adds a mild, mellow note to the sweetness.

In case you're wondering, No. I didn't fall off the weight loss wagon. I'm at 200 lbs, almost precisely. I've lost 50 lbs.
I *heart* the act of baking pies.
I'm not going to give up something I absolutely love, just because I desire to be thinner.
Yes, I had a small, small piece. I'll have one tomorrow, too. All in careful moderation. I guarantee you, I'm not going to find that 50 lbs. I lost in that pie.

This is me. At work, just last week. Several people told me I looked good that day, so I thought I'd snap a shot.

Yanno what?

They were right.

Pride

2009-06-15T23:45:35Z

The Columbus Gay Men's Chorus is having a float in the Pride parade on Saturday, and Cathryn and I will be walking with it distributing flyers promoting our upcoming show, We Love the 80's. Afterwards, the chorus will be performing on the Pridefest stage.

Cathryn is amazingly pro-gay. She's not the least bit embarrassed to have a gay father. Quite the opposite, really. She's excited to go with me and show her support. She bought a pin this weekend at the mall that said 'Yay for Gay!' I can't say enough about what a relief and a joy it is to have a daughter that's so accepting.

Writer's Block: Talking Ducks

2009-06-09T21:37:17Z

Happy birthday, Donald Duck! Which cartoon character do you think is the most disturbing?

View 500 Answers

Alice the Goon from Popeye...

Creeped me the fuck out.

Actually, most of the characters in Popeye freaked me out.

The Margarita Filter

2009-06-08T15:52:35Z

I logged into LJ this morning to write about my trip. I started writing, then felt an odd sense of deja-vu.
Lo and behold, I already posted about my trip last night! I remember doing it now, but I was in a bit of a margarita haze, so it wasn't as eloquent as it could have been.
I wish LJ had a margarita filter. :D Enter garbled saltylime randomness, and out comes complete, well written sentences with meaning.

This weekend

2009-06-08T05:06:29Z

I drove down to Ohio to attend Granma's memorial this weekend. DRove dwon Friday during the day and made record time. Woke up Thursday morning, had a cup of coffee and then drove to Bellfower, MO for the memorial. It was a small church, and by the time the service started, it was filled to overfloweing with friends, relatives and acquaintences who had been, ion some way, touched by my grandmother.
During the service, she was describe as the glue that kept out family together. This is not an untrue fact. She kept everyone notified of birthdays, anniversaries, and miscellany. She was no gossip hound, but she kept everyone in the know about everyone else's goings on.
I went down expecting to sing one song. I ended up singing three throughout the service. I was happy to sing them It seemed only proper. Granma couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but she sure appreciated good music. I sang for her, carefully choosing who to look at, as I knew I couldn't break down until after I was done with the last song, 'I'll fly away.' I managed to keep my composure until I was done,then I collapsed on Cathryn's shoulder. She took my burden, and cried with me. I love my daughter.
After the service, we had a dinner at my parent's church. Many people came for the dinner and fellowship, and I made sure to thank each and every one of them, as well as the wonderful people who put the dinner together for my mom and dad. I wanted them to know that their kindness had not gone unnoticed. I was proud that I could sing for my Granma's services. She was a wonderful woman and touched many lives.
After we got back from the cemetery, I went to the river with Cathryn and we skipped rocks before the sunset. Then we headed home and said our goodbyes to Mom and dad before heading home.
The trip back was awful. My butt hurt from sitting down so much. Then I wasn't paying attention and got on I-55 Northd for 45 minutes before realising I was going the wrong way. An hgour and a half late, I was back on the right road, but not happy about it.
Today I got up, returned the car, then went to Chorus practice for solo tryouts.
I landed the solo that I wanted. I'm so increadibly proud and excited thattI canhardly contain myself. Cathryn told me to try out for this solo. I did, and I got it.
I can't say what it is, because I want it to be a surprise for all the people coming to see it, but I can say it's an 80's TV theme, and one of my favorites. :)
I'm so lucky to get it. I'm lucky to be a part of this wonderful chorus. I just wish Granma woud've stuck around to hear it. But I know she's listening.

I can't sing I'll Fly Away anymore.
It's Granma's song now.

I love her so much. She knew that, and that's all that matters.

______________________________________________________________

I'm back in Ohio.
Where I belong.

Thanks for everyone's kind words/thoughts/prayers/love.

You are all my friends, and I'm proud as hell of each and every one of you, whether I've met you or not.
Thank you.

Summer begins/Hanging on

2009-06-02T17:59:48Z

Cathryn flies in tonight about 10. I cleaned up her room a bit yesterday after work. It's a mostly futile effort, as she'll have everything thrown about as soon as she gets in, but at least her bed is made.
I've had two people today tell me I look like I've lost a lot of weight. Which I have. Fourty five pounds, exactly. It's very nice that people are noticing. Maybe it's just the outfit, but I feel great. My self confidence is improving. Which is good, because I've got to audition for solos on Sunday. Speaking of which...

Saturday I'll be in St. Louis, attending my Granma's memorial service. It's still hard to really accept she's gone, but the memorial service will give me some closure, I think. I'll be singing for it, provided I can keep from getting choked up. I think I'll be alright, but I won't know until I get down there.

Writer's Block: Significant Change

2009-05-28T19:12:59Z

Have you ever tried to change yourself for someone you were in a relationship with (or wanted to be in a relationship with)? Did it work?

View 501 Answers

Ugh. Nnnggh.

BAD.

I was in a relationship with someone who tried to 'better me'. He gave advice on how to dress, where to go, where to shop, and his opinions were always 'right'. He liked bigger guys, and was all the time taking me out to eat, or buying food or snacks for me. I liked it because it was attention and free food, and what fat kid doesn't like people handing him cake? But I didn't 'want' to be overweight, and he wasn't helping that.
Really, wht he was trying to do was make me into a less abusive version of his last boyfriend because he wanted out of that relationship, didn't want to be in a 'relationship' with me, but didn't want to be alone.

I was changed. We all get changed by relationships. If we're not, then you're not really in a relationship. At least I can look back on it and see that I'm not that person anymore.
I'm better off for it, in all honesty. I mean, you can't be happy about where you are unless you know where you've been.