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Finding the voice

inside my head.





October 19th, 2010

(no subject)

I'm allowing my paid account to expire. It's not a great deal of money, and I could afford to go ahed and pay it for another year, but I post so infrequently anymore it's just no longer worth it, and frankly this is not the same website I initially decided to support monetarily.
I have a lot of history on this journal, and met a lot of friends. I'm not abandoning it, but I've moved on, and silly as it may be, Facebook seems to fill my social networking needs at this point in my life.

If I still appear on any of your friends lists, sorry I've been silent. I'm still alive and kicking.

Hope you are, too.

September 6th, 2010

If you were given the chance, what one thing would you tell the entire world?


July 24th, 2010

(no subject)

I haven't posted since Dec. 2009.

I thought I was going to Florida this summer.
Wrong on that one.

Dad died at the end of April. I still have problems with it.
He was a good man that led a good life. He raised three good kids, and saw them grow up into responsible adults. He loved his wife with all his heart, the only way he could. He was a proud man, and he was proud of me and my accomplishments. I guess I just have to remember that.

On the bright side, I saw Weird Al on the 10th and Lady Gaga in Cleveland on the 14th. At both shows, for just a few hours, I was able to sit back, enjoy some music, and leave my troubles at the door. I smiled and laughed at Weird Al. I screamed in adoration, sang, and made Little Monster paws at Lady Gaga. I enjoyed the moment, the feeling, the happiness.

I've lived here in Columbus for 13 years. I've kept this journal for most of them. I guess I've mostly abandoned this journal for Facebook... except I don't really care much for Facebook, and I don't post in it, either. I guess I've become less inclined to post about my life, and more inclined to just live it. :)

December 31st, 2009


So here it is, my last post of 2009.

I was sucessful this year at one thing: losing nearly 75lbs. Not by a strange diet, miracle drug, tapeworm, or wasting disease. Just by moving to and sticking with a lifestyle change, and watching the results.
It has motivated my to continue the process of 'bettering me'. This year, I'm going to focus on going to the gym, toning up, and losing that last 25 or so that I want to get rid of.
I learned that goals can be achieved. I learned that there's no secret, and that it's hard work, but it's worth doing.

This year should also be the year I finally see the ocean.

This year might be the year I meet someone special.

This year will not be the year I travel abroad, but I will look forward to that, perhaps the year after.

Happy New Year, everyone.

November 17th, 2009

(no subject)

It's just not been a good day for me.

Despite what I thought was a solid tryout, I didn't land a solo for the Joy! performance. This disappoints me, not because I'm a diva who thinks I require a solo in every concert or that I have the best voice in the chorus. What disappoints me is hearing some of the other tryouts that landed solos, and wondering what the directors thought process is for doling them out. Some that I've spoke with feel that there's political motives involved (read: guys that donate large sums of money magically get solos, regardless of talent they may or may not have.) I understand that I'm not the only person in the damn chorus, and that I'm not going to have a solo every concert. That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the idea of being passed over not based on talent, but by the size of my donation.

It feels petty to bitch about this. I really love being in the chorus and performing again. But I have to wonder what the point is of trying out if there are secret motives for everything.

November 2nd, 2009

(no subject)

Things of note:

1. - Dressed up for Halloween this year. Pics are on Facebook. Outfit was rather slinky, and thanks to losing weight, I didn't feel self conscious about it.

2. - went out dancing on Friday, stayed home on Saturday.

3. - I weigh seventy pounds less than I did last Halloween.

4. - Woke up with a bastard of a headache this morning, so I went back to bed and ended up spending most of the day sleeping. I didn't even drink last night, so there's something wrong with that. I demand a refund of today. Did attend chorus practice though, and that was good.

5. - I must go into work early on Monday.

October 20th, 2009


Last night's dinner was composed of WIN, with two recipes created by me on the fly. If you've got a little time, (not tyme, I didn't use that last night) then I'll share them with you.

First, the pork.
I had two pork loin chops. I seasoned them lightly on both sides with garlic, ginger, salt and paprika. I then sauteed them in a medium hot pan on a bed of thinly sliced apples. I let the apples just start to carmelize, then added enough chicken stock just to cover the bottom, turned the pork, and let that cook off and carmelize again. Once more with the stock, add some chopped mushrooms, and by the time that cooks down and carmelizes, your pork should be about ready, unless they're really thick. Cover, remove from heat, and let stand for a few minutes.

The side dish was half a butternut squash I peeled and cut up into 'home fry' size cubes. I tossed them in a bowl with two tablespoons of melted butter, 1/4 cup (plus a bit more)light brown sugar, ginger, soy sauce, garlic, course salt, minced onion, a dash of pepper or red pepper flakes (JUST A BIT, barely enough to notice), a tiny splash of olive oil, and a few drops of sesame oil. Stir well to coat, then arrange in a baking pan in a single layer, and bake at 425 for about 40 minutes, turning once or twice.

The squash was AMAZING. If I'd had cilantro, I would've minced up a bit and added it just before serving, but it was great without. Together, this was a great fall dinner.


September 25th, 2009

... I can't sleep and I'm preparing for a retreat sponsored by the chorus. It's called Butch Kamp, and it's a weekend of clinics, workshops, singing, fun, and hopefully, a bit of relaxation.
Too bad I have to go to work at 9am, work til 6, then leave directly from there.

I'm keep remembering things I need to take with me, like my life will end if I don't bring these items.

Random news - I bought new socks, with the intention of just pitching all my old ones. There's really nothing like putting on a fresh new pair of socks. I also bought new boxer briefs. They're soft and comfy, and they're a complete size less than what I was wearing previous, so they're snug and form fitting... and for once in my life, I'm liking form fitting. :)
I also inherited Marc's pair of maroon Versace jeans he bought from a thrift store one year to dress up as Micheal Stipe for Halloween. Yeah, Versace. Now to come up with a good shirt and shoes that complement them, and go out clubbing like a rock star. :)

I bought a new wireless keyboard and mouse. The keyboard is too quiet... I hardly hear myself depressing the keys, and the mouse movement was set too fast. I had to slow it down so it sync'd better with my eye movement. Also bought new earbuds for my iPod, which I'm in love with.

That's about it. See you Sunday.

September 11th, 2009

(no subject)

I'm still alive, just haven't had much to say here. I've had this journal since 2001. I've had a paid account for much of that time. I've penned out a third of my life on here, more or less. Posts both frivolous and profound, they all mean something to me.
I've enjoyed all the friends I've made on here, and keeping up with people's lives. I still review my friends list almost every day.
But times change. People change. We move on.

Now we have facebook, twitter, texting, and fifty other forms of social networking and keeping in touch. People move to the bigger and better. Little ol' LJ seems to have fallen by the wayside with my circle of friends.

I've always wrote for me. It was just nice to sometimes have an audience that responded. I'll still write. I have wonderful things going on in my life that I want to share, and remember.

Like the chorus.
The chorus thrills me. My chorus friends are beautiful people: professionals who share a passion for singing, performing, and enriching people's lives. Performing again has filled me with a purpose and drive. The way David conducts makes me want to be a better singer. Being on stage, being seen and enjoyed by an audience makes me want to be a better person. And I've set out to do just that. I've lost a good deal of weight the right way. I look and feel better. I carry myself with pride and a sense of purpose. I like who I'm becoming.

I like who I am.

I haven't always been able to say that.

August 27th, 2009

(no subject)

I have phases like this.. where I'm too busy living my life to blog about it.

Work has moved into a slightly more managable position in my life. either that or I've become more accustomed to how much it requires of me. I'm still losing weight, it just seems like I've slowed down, and it's hard to get the scale moving downward again after levelling off all summer, but I will. This weekend is rather full, with a cast party for the 80's show on Saturday, and rehearsal on Sunday. CGMC has filled quite a gap in my life. I can't say here how much it means to me.

I miss Cathryn. I hope she does well in school.
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